by Stella Forth
So a week or so ago, my kid turned one. Which we celebrated (post on that coming later), but I just wanted to take a selfish moment and say “Yay, I survived 365 days of Parenthood.”
I can’t believe it sometimes that I wasn’t a mom. That I had a life before picking up toys and making sure I bought goldfish and panicking when the teensiest fever showed up. Now I’m licking sippy cup tops and wiping cheeto dust and running around at playgrounds like a pro.
I learned how to be a Mom. While I had the advice of other parents and mentors to help, I’d like to think I did pretty well on my own. I had to make decisions and I had to take this mini-human through the first year of life on my own gut feel. For someone who has an inferiority-complex, that was daunting. What if I messed up? What if I just insured that my kid would be spending money on therapy in the future?
I may have messed up. In fact I’m sure I did. Many times. But this time, I’m learning that it’s okay, and that we’re learning together. This time it’s with this perfect little being who looks to me to help guide him to be the best version of him, not the version of him I want him to be. I love seeing who he’s becoming. I love that he started solids and didn’t like eggs, but liked eggs off of my plate with green onions, hoisin sauce, kimchi and sriracha. I mean, what kid does that?
My kid does. I don’t want to look back and say I have a miniature version of myself. I want to look back with him, and have him know that I listened twice as much as I spoke – even when he didn’t quite have the words to tell me yet.
I love how much more “human” he’s becoming. He has always been a fairly laid-back kid, but now more than ever, he’s starting to voice his opinion. He’s laughing and screaming spontaneously, and starting to use “words” when we’re doing something. He’s connecting the dots on cause and effect – when I open the car door, he knows we’re off on an adventure. He knows when he sees the big red circle sign we’re about to lose our wallet at the store (Okay, not really, but he knows Target has toys!) I love that he loves to play and hug and interact with others, and isn’t shy about stepping out on his own.
I know changes are coming, and this opinion of his may end up being a little tough to take at times. I know that finding the balance between parenting and letting him be his own person will be difficult. But I’m taking every day as is comes, realizing one day we won’t be “here”, and we’ll be somewhere else in our journey together.
Happy Birthday doodle.